Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Big Regrets.

I've been a real mom for 6 months now & let me just tell you I have some huge regrets already. 

Regret #1
Trying to dictate my future parenting issues
I was the type of pregnant person that said my baby will do this my baby won't do that...
I plan on doing thing I will NOT do that....
&& let me just say I regret saying any of it because now that I'm here parenting my son there are things that I'm like really Ashlee, your ridiculous.  I regret letting some of the things I suggested out of my mouth--I've realized you can't honestly say what you will and won't do when it comes to parenting until you parent. plain and simple

Regret #2
Never Never Never. Never Never Never.
this can kinda relate to the previous regret. but I said Never a lot. 
my child will never wear disney clothes
my child will never sleep in my bed or with me
I will never give up breastfeeding
this list could go on and on and on....
my son is obessed with Mickey & I buy him all things Mickey
my son slept in my bed from 2 weeks--3/4months
I sadly quit breastfeeding when Maddux was 5 days old (something that still upsets me)
Plain and simple like I said before you have no idea how you will parent until you parent but one piece of advice that I will give all new mommies....
Never say Never.

Regret #3
Breastfeeding Drop Out
I swore up and down that I would breast feed Maddux until at least 6 months.
I didn't have that bonding feeling at all when I breastfed but that's not why I wanted to do it
I wanted what was best for my child and I thought that was it...
Maddux cried all day every day it was horrible--everyone would tell me they thought he was hungry which would really upset me because I would have just got done feeding him so he would just cry-- it wasn't fun and the moment I caved and gave him formula from a bottle he was the best baby ever.  he was like a real newborn he slept so contently... I remember getting a call from the Lactation Consultant suggesting that I keep trying and that I begin to pump I was so upset at the time feeling like a failure and like I had just starved my little baby for the past 5 days that I didn't want to deal with it I just wanted him happy and that is what formula did so I didn't do anything to try to breastfeed instead I did everything to dry up my milk supply. 
Still to this day--I wish I would have tried harder.

Regret #4
Research is for geeks
I wish I would do more research on the things I get for Maddux... this isn't a huge regret but I had 9 months where I could've prepared for what I was going to buy Maddux but instead I just bought the cute thing or the thing that "looked" safe-- I will say I am 100% satisfied with everything I bought for him other than my monitor but everything else has been wonderful.
but next time and in the future I hope I just look up a little bit more information & reviews on the products that my child will use.

Regret #5
Pictures or Lack of...
I didn't take hardly any pictures in the hospital--
I didn't take a single family picture until almost a month after Maddux was born
I didn't take but maybe 3-4 pictures the night Maddux was born
I didn't get real newborn pictures of him taken
I didn't family pictures taken until he was 5 months old
seriously DONT do this TAKE 1000 pictures the moment your child is born I will forever regret this... forever.

Regret #6
I'm Pregnant::Breakdown!
this is the biggest regret of my life... I can never change this and it sucks to even talk about it or admit it but...
the moment I found out the greatest most life changing news I... lost it.
I cried & cried & cried some more...
I ran to my bedroom, shoved my head into my pillow and just cried.
Jayce came in to try to calm me down and he kept telling me it'd be ok &
all that kept running thru my head was I wasn't married I wasn't married I just wasn't married it wasn't suppose to happen like this.
I had no idea what to do... I was just broken.
I eventually came to terms with everything and realized that in just 2 weeks I would marry the love of my life and the father of the child growing inside of me.
I don't know why this has upset me so much lately but knowing that for a split second I "cried" because of the greatest thing God has done in my life.
I regret it. I will never get to change that moment. I hate the way I handled it-- I handled it the way a young single 21 year old would not a mature, practically married woman would have and it sucks. it suchs I don't get to rewrite that moment.


Do you have parenting regrets?
I hope I'm not alone on this one.

2 comments:

  1. I said never a lot! In fact, I catch myself still saying it sometimes. Presley makes a liar out of me daily.

    Oh she never does that. Oh she always does this...LOL she changes immediately.

    Don't be so hard on your self about your response to finding out your were preggers. It's a shock when you aren't excepting it. It's not important about you reacted, it's important the type of mom you are to him now and from the day he was born. YOu are going to tell him stories from the day he was born. Not the moment you saw two pink lines. Forgive yourself....:-) We all react in ways we aren't proud of in lots of situations...learn from it and always do better than last time :-)

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  2. You are so not alone when it comes to regrets. I kick myself in the rear everyday for not having enough pics of new born Rylin. I still say "why did I buy that?" on the daily & my reaction was far from the best either. But we are GOOD moms & a big part of parenting is learning. Keep up the good work!

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